When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you

When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
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Does these words seems familiar?
So Inspirational. So Success Driving.
Just Finished the first day of motivational Workshop..
Trainers (,Or instructors, which ever...) Are:
-Amin
-Ben Ong
-Danny
Its was like a day of constant laughter... Humor in all ways possible.
All have their respective ways of sharing the information,
but the message they invoke are equal important.
That's why i have decided to post something after a long time.
I have something to admit. to confess...
Wow... Its really hard... i wish i could talk to somebody about how i feel.
But "It" is holding me back...
What is "it", you ask?
I'm not ready to reveal it. It's a form, Starting with the letter 'J', that makes up about 95% of fear. It has manifested so much over the years... Now, So Big that i don't even know if i can defeat it.
Anyways, i'd better get to the point..
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What has been holding me back all these years...
Like the trainer, Amin, had said: Fear of disappointment.(If i'm right..)
That is true...
I constantly feel the pressure... The Heartache.
However, i assume unlike most of you, my fear comes from losing...
Most of you just wants to go to a good school so your future will be set.. You can have a good life.
But that barely is the reason for me to motivated myself.
For the 1st half of my sec 4 year, 2009, I kept telling myself if i studied hard i can have a very good future....
But as time went by, i realised something. i have no intentions for the future. All i wanted to do is to be the best that i can be.
Just the thought of losing to people Kills me. I'm not saying i'm superior than others.
When Melvin Or Jue Ping Beats me in a certain subject, I feel like my heart has been ripped apart.
I started to get so angry at myself for not bothering to study harder...
When i'm with friends, i tell them i blame the teacher for setting the paper too hard...
Cause i thought that was normal. But in actual fact, i blame myself. I Might not show that i care when i make a careless mistake or made a mistake because i didn't study, i'm actually torned inside.
i've been made fun alot, and i think that's enough...
So, i try to act like i don't care...
None of my friends even seem to understand my feelings at times, but i don't blame them.
i don't express my feelings around them anyways...
Anyways, The thing i want to admit is that... I haven't been studying... I'm damn serious. i slack off everyday, playing games or watching television. Somehow, i managed 4 A1s.. And 2 C5s... It'd up to you to believe it. But thing is, For the past years and months, i have been getting high marks because the questions that came out are things that i have learnt.
So, I'm lucky. But will my luck run out by O levels? i don't know. And that is why i'm going to ask one of my trainers tmr.
I have no idea why things keep working out.
Is it because i know alot? Which i think i don't.
Is it because i'm lucky? Which i think i am.
Or is it because i'm actually gifted? Which i really Doubt i am.
So many more questions. So little time.
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