Cosmic Of Destinies

Sorry

2009-09-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry Guys for not posting, i have no time. So much has changed for me in the workshop. It was truely an amazing experience. thank you so much to everyone that supported me.

Soaring Dreams

2009-09-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

The Second Day Has Passed. So Inspiring. So Motivating. So Emotional.
My Heart was filled with a lot of regret and disappointment. Tears rolled down my cheek, each representing the guilt i feel. For the first time ever in my life, i actually believed in myself and cast away my greatest fear, Judgment. When Trainer Amin told as to listen and sing along to Mariah Carey's Hero, It was the first time i ever sang out loud--> For anyone to hear that is.
I didn't care what people think. I Love singing, i should do it. That is best thing i have gotten from this workshop, in addition to the wonderful learning techniques too... :)
Anyways, After Hearing Hero, I Cant Stop singing it. I Started to sing another song the meant alot to me too. A Song that says what i Want to do... It Is Pretty Much EVERYTHING that i have got from this workshop.It goes like this:(Lyrics)

I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish guy you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

It's over now
I cant go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control

I start again go back to one
I'm running things my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I dont care if Im right or wrong
Ill live my life the way I feel
No matter what Im gonna keep it real you know
Its time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid

This is the Song if you want to listen:
Here

This Course Has influence me so much. But the sad thing is, I wanted to speak up and raise my hand to speak about myself. But always, my fear of judgment held me down and when i finally gather enough courage to raise my hand, someone else did it first. I have to work on that alone. i had so many ideas to talk about.
All my emotions bottled inside me, i feel like i'm going to explode. I'm really not exaggerating. I will just shout LOUD, if i really can't hold all this emotions back.

Forgotten memory

2009-09-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you

When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
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Does these words seems familiar?
So Inspirational. So Success Driving.
Just Finished the first day of motivational Workshop..
Trainers (,Or instructors, which ever...) Are:
-Amin
-Ben Ong
-Danny
Its was like a day of constant laughter... Humor in all ways possible.
All have their respective ways of sharing the information,
but the message they invoke are equal important.
That's why i have decided to post something after a long time.
I have something to admit. to confess...
Wow... Its really hard... i wish i could talk to somebody about how i feel.
But "It" is holding me back...
What is "it", you ask?
I'm not ready to reveal it. It's a form, Starting with the letter 'J', that makes up about 95% of fear. It has manifested so much over the years... Now, So Big that i don't even know if i can defeat it.
Anyways, i'd better get to the point..
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What has been holding me back all these years...
Like the trainer, Amin, had said: Fear of disappointment.(If i'm right..)
That is true...
I constantly feel the pressure... The Heartache.
However, i assume unlike most of you, my fear comes from losing...
Most of you just wants to go to a good school so your future will be set.. You can have a good life.
But that barely is the reason for me to motivated myself.
For the 1st half of my sec 4 year, 2009, I kept telling myself if i studied hard i can have a very good future....
But as time went by, i realised something. i have no intentions for the future. All i wanted to do is to be the best that i can be.
Just the thought of losing to people Kills me. I'm not saying i'm superior than others.
When Melvin Or Jue Ping Beats me in a certain subject, I feel like my heart has been ripped apart.
I started to get so angry at myself for not bothering to study harder...
When i'm with friends, i tell them i blame the teacher for setting the paper too hard...
Cause i thought that was normal. But in actual fact, i blame myself. I Might not show that i care when i make a careless mistake or made a mistake because i didn't study, i'm actually torned inside.
i've been made fun alot, and i think that's enough...
So, i try to act like i don't care...
None of my friends even seem to understand my feelings at times, but i don't blame them.
i don't express my feelings around them anyways...
Anyways, The thing i want to admit is that... I haven't been studying... I'm damn serious. i slack off everyday, playing games or watching television. Somehow, i managed 4 A1s.. And 2 C5s... It'd up to you to believe it. But thing is, For the past years and months, i have been getting high marks because the questions that came out are things that i have learnt.
So, I'm lucky. But will my luck run out by O levels? i don't know. And that is why i'm going to ask one of my trainers tmr.
I have no idea why things keep working out.
Is it because i know alot? Which i think i don't.
Is it because i'm lucky? Which i think i am.
Or is it because i'm actually gifted? Which i really Doubt i am.
So many more questions. So little time.
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Surprising Turn Of Events

2009-08-21T23:18:00.000-07:00

Wow... I got through the mother tongue "O" levels... Yea yea, a C5 Ain't Very Good... But, I was expecting an E8 or D7... You can say i was pleased.. This gives me so much motivation... For a subject that i constantly get F9, Getting a C5 is quite eye-opening. What about subjects that i can excel in. what about o levels.. haha... it kinda feels comforting... None the less, i still have to focus for my prelims. My Social Studies And English Paper 1 are both dead.. haha bye byw

Little things We Forget...

2009-08-18T05:36:00.000-07:00

Remember Cartoons??
---Not The Animes Of Course----
Many Of You Think That Cartoons Are Kiddish and You Are too Mature for them... Yes, I agree... It's Kinda Lame, So Much Drama... Blah Blah Blah...

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Just A Few Days Ago, I was watching cartoons with my sister... We Stumbled upon cartoon network and it was showing Barbie as princess and the pauper... I told her to change the channel as it was so lame... but as a child, she refused... So i watched it... while watching, i realized something. it actually is kinda nice to watch... Too dramatic but... Somehow, it spoke to me...

All my life i have always thought i was doing the right thing by being true to myself. I thought i was patient with my family for constantly nagging at me.. but at times i thought it was my limit and out of anger i yelled at them... but after watching several of these shows, i realise something... i was not at all patient. My level of patience was actually only around 25% of what is necessary. Though It May Suck, It is my Duty to be a son.

"Duty Means Doing The Things Your Heart May Well Regret"

Haha... so for all these years, i was wrong. I really owe my parents an apology... People may think that how i treat my parents is normal but i just find it bad... Haizz....

See... There are somethings that we forget as we grow up... We may forget the important things that builds our personality and character...

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Waiting behind the clouds,
Is the sky that's always clear,
And chasing away the doubts,
You watch the sun appear,
It's shining to remind you,
As each new day begins,
There's always hope if you just let it in

I was living in a fantasy,
waiting for somebody to rescue me,
but I've found a way to light the dark.
It was always here inside my heart.
No more fairy tale pretending
I'll make my own happy ending.

There's a star that's shining down on me.
Reflecting everything that I can be.
Every journey starts inside the heart,
and there's no mountain that's too far.
If I set my mind to it,
whatever it is, I can do it.

I got All These From The Same Show... So Much i have Forgotten... Haizz.. So Much to catch up on. Hope i have enlightened some of you...

Don't Lose Hope

2009-08-14T22:45:00.002-07:00

Its is not impossible for you to achieve that grade jiayang.. Nothing is impossible... In Secondary 2 And 3 i wasn't performing up to standard too...l1r5 was pretty high.. I didn't really care much about studies till sec4 mid term. Seriously, i rarely did an revision for my studies at all, just homework... After that, i would just be watching tv or playing the computer. When The Mid term started, i started to panic. So, I put my heart into studying the FULL subject for the exam on the next day,

(E.g. If Tmr is Chem, I Will Study The Whole CHem Textbook)

I Scored quite good... Except for humanities and language of course...
But Now I Know That If I can Do This Good From Last Minute revision, Who Is to say i Can't Be Better If I Continuous Revise Everyday... So Don't Give Up..
I Can Tell All Of you Frankly That i will not be performing up to standard for this Prelim.. Too Much That don't understand and too much that i can't grasp... i would be lucky if i can get an 80 for chem and science(phys,bio). Even for E Math...
Haizz ...

(E.g. If Tmr is Chem, I Will Study The Whole CHem Textbook)

Too All, Don't Give Up Just Because You are failing or not doing up to standard..
You Will Only be a failure if you dont try to fight.
Instead Of Giving Yourself Reasons Why You Can't, Give Yourself Reasons Why You Can.

So Don't Give Up!!

A New Beginning

2009-08-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I Wasted The Week End Watching Charmed....
Funny Thing, I Dreamt That I Was Writing This. And Now I Am..
Magic Attracts My Attention... My Mind Is Wild....

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Moving On... Trapped In Darkness...
"Where Am I?"...
"Who Are You?"....
"What Is This Place?"...
I Asked Myself... Am I Still Human? Am I Still On Earth?
So Many Questions, So Little Time to Get Answers...
Out Of The Silence,
"Don't Be Afraid... Close Your Eyes..Let Your Heart Take To The Place You Want To Be... Sssshhhh... Follow Your Heart"

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What Does It Mean? Beats Me... Maybe One Day I'll Understand...
Hmm... Nowadays, I'm just pondering when will nature fully eliminate me.. Or Will it? Maybe i'm just over thinking things... It does make sense, doesn't it? If Gaia removes animals that affect the balance of nature, shouldn't humans be affected as well... i'm not saying i'm special or weird but things have been happening, signs have been appearing... Haizz... i'm so tried. Maybe One Day I'll meet the brothers in my dreams... if your smart, You can guess who the 3 brothers are...
Anyways Nights.. I'm tired... got to go back study...

Trapped By Judgement, Feared By The Truth

2009-08-08T01:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe The Truth Is Hard To Except...
Always Scared Of What My Actions May Lead To...
Its Like, For Example,
When I Drop A Ruler On The Floor, And I'm Too Lazy To Pick It Up, Thinking That Other People Will Pick It Up, These Will Come To My Mind:

What If Someone Slips On It When

Holding A Knife
Holding A Hot Plate Of Food
Or Just Walking...

There Is More But I'm Too Tired To Write More..
I'm A Freak, Aren't I? Haha
That's Pretty Much What I Hate About Me... Its Over now... See a soon.
And To All Sec4 And 5, Good Luck For Your Prelims..

Day Of Unending Torment

2009-08-07T02:35:00.000-07:00

I'm So Tired!

Well, Today Ended As Normal... We Got To Wear A Red Or white Tee To school... I was quite hesitant to wear red or white today. But it all went Well... i Don't Know If I Should Tell More People Of My Blog.

..... Its So Stressing. Btw From Tmr Onwards, I Wont Be Posting Personal Stuff.. But A Story. You'll See it soon... Haha I Know I Haven't Been Writing Much.
Listen To Music Here! Haha

-When A Woman Loves A Man
-I'll Be There
-How Great Thou Art
-I Surrender All
-Angel's Wings
-Get Another Boyfriend
-No Surprise

Come To My Facebook. Page Too..

Return From Reality

2009-08-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

Brian's Back... Hello... I Thought Of Making A Blog As i Didn't Want To Spend My Time Wasted On Crappy Stuff Like Playing Games Or Watching television... Well it took Me About An hour To Get this Page Up So I'll Turn In Now.. Nights...
Bye Bye.